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Am I The Only One?

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

With Apologies and Justice For All

Kerry voters can apologize to the world now for failing to get their guy elected. http://www.sorryeverybody.com/

While I can certainly understand people's strong feelings against Bush, I do not understand why people (worldwide) think Kerry was a better choice. This is what a fellow from my hometown calls "Mushy-Headed Thinking".

Today's Tom Sawyer

I imagine that most women do not like having their breasts grabbed by strangers. But the TSA may make this inevitable.

This sort of thing happens a lot at dark rock concerts where several thousand people are packed near the stage like sardines, and some young woman feels the quick grab of a hand on each breast from behind. If the owner of those breasts happens to have a gorilla for a boyfriend, the owners of the hands are usually on the receiving end of a little street justice.

In my youth, this quick feel was called a "Tom Sawyer", and it was something that young rascals knew was a no-no and never dared try, but we certainly talked a good game. Such as "oh, look at that girl in the sweater! Wouldn't you like to give her a Tom Sawyer?" Invariably the girl in question was far too ample for any one of our pairs of hands, but I guess that was part of the challenge.

Anyway, post 9/11 airport security may necessitate a little more groping and cupping than most female travelers are prepared for. If you plan to fly these days and have suspicious-looking breasts, be prepared for the following:
"Using an open hand, a security agent touched her on her shoulders, under her arms, around her waist, across her bra strap, and between her breasts, Gaynier said — all in front of other passengers."

The article explains that these searches are usually performed by same-sex security personel, and that travellers can request that the search be conducted in privacy. But this brings up an odd question: what if the traveller is gay? Can he or she request an opposite-sex security worker? Can I pretend I'm gay and do the same? But I digress.

Apparently all this Sawyering has some serious reasoning behind it.
"The new policy was implemented by the Transportation Security Administration on Sept. 22, after 90 people were killed in two plane crashes in Russia believed to have been caused by Chechen women who carried explosives on board."

After a brief Google search, I have assembled a rough scenario. The Chechen women may have brought plastic explosives on board by hiding it between or underneath their breasts, or perhaps by packing a DD-cup bassiere with A-cup breasts plus 3 cup sizes worth of C4. So these new measures are an attempt to verify that a woman's undergarments are, in fact, filled with woman.

With apologies to Rush: What you say about the company is what you say about society. Today's Tom Sawyer may mean a safe landing at your destination.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Let's Blame the Fans!

Now that the suspensions have been handed down to them fightin' NBA Pacers, all eyes have turned to those unruly fans. How shall we punish them?

It seems that many people (including an unsettling majority of ESPN's commentators) want to see those Detroit fans swing from the rafters. "Let's face it: if (Pacers player) Artest isn't hit with the cup of ice, does he go into the stands?" said one commentator. These assertations ususally come with a standard disclaimer of "...not that an NBA player should EVER go into the stands, but..."

As I see it, the only fan that owes an apology to the league is the one that threw the cup of ice. Once the players were charging into the crowd and assaulting anyone within reach, it seems fair game for fans to flee to the court. Those that were on the court were also attacked by NBA players eager to throw the first punch.

I hope all of these NBA thugs voted for George W Bush, since they believe so strongly in the doctrine of re-emption.

NBA players and fans are not equal parties at an NBA game. The players are multi-millionaire employees who are putting in a day at the office. The fans are there as customers who have paid for NBA tickets, NBA merchadise, stadium food -- pretty much keeping the entire league in business.

Players don't like having mean words shouted at them during a game? Boo hoo. Without that loudmouth there to pay your salary, you'd be scraping mold from the inside of a nuclear reactor.

If Nevermore was commissioner of the NBA, his ruling would be as follows: O'Neil and Johnson would be out for 55 games each, and Artest would be banned from the league. All three would be subject to criminal prosecution. The fans who were touched by those three players would be apologized to publicly by the Pacers and given lifetime season tickets to the Detroit Pistons. Future episodes will be avoided with improved security at all NBA stadiums.

I'm sure I will be the only one to say this bit of commen sense. What's new.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Hunting for Answers

The tragic shootings in the Wisconsin north woods took a turn today, as expected. While at first it seemed the work of a madman, one had to wonder if there was another side to explore. In fact, the shooter claims that the victims fired at him first.

This is shaping up to be a newstory "ripped from the plotlines" of CSI. If forensic analysts can determine that the the shooter fired first, then it's lights out for him. Open and shut case. If, however, they find that the hunters fired first, then we have a unsettling case of "is it self-defense". Clearly a case can be made that the first few victims could have been shot in self defense. But picking off persons attempting to flee on an ATV? It will take a clever lawyer to explain that one to a jury.

We Are Syndicated

At long last, get the new (and official) Am I The Only One? module for your My Yahoo! page. Thanks to Feedburner, I've added an RSS feed for this blog. Try it out -- click on the My Yahoo icon in the upper-right section of this blog.

Friday, November 19, 2004


I'm still not healthy. Damn.

On top of that, I'm very tired and feel like I've had nothing to blog about for weeks. I'm quite sure if my regular reading audience was gathered in a room, I'd hear crickets.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Hanging In There

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks now. Not stay-in-bed sick, just drudge through the day sniffling and feeling wiped-out sick. My lack of energy has surfaced in all aspects of my life, including this blog.

Many of you have sent interesting and engaging emails lately, especially you fellow bloggers. Perhaps it's time to open my mailbag again. Eh, maybe later. When I have more energy.

For now, I'm reminded of a line from a Melanie Griffith movie (can't remember the title, but it had Ed Harris in it): "There is a special place you can touch a woman that will drive her wild... her heart." This finally proved to be true this weekend.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

"Hello, This Is Bill Clinton..."

(Note to my readers: This blog is from Saturday Oct 30, but for some reason I never got around to clicking "publish". In light of the talk about the EC vote swinging the election (bollocks if you ask me), I think the bit about Michael W Smith is very telling. Enjoy a blast from the... err, week ago.)

Boy, am I important these days.

"Hello, this is Bill Clinton, " said the voice on the other end of the line. "We need your support to elect John Kerry on Tuesday November 2nd." He was strangely detatched, not at all a good conversationist, and did not answer one of my questions.

I've also received calls from Laura Bush, John Edwards, and (go figure on this one) Christian pop singer Michael W Smith. Considering how many calls they must be making, they did not sound a bit tired. Odd.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

More Blogs from Blue States

While I am not thrilled with the prospects of another 4 years of President Bush, I do prefer him over the alternative. Somewhat. But of course, different opinions abound! I've been perusing some of my usual blogs, and there is no shyness from the Kerry camp.
"I'm going to try to finish watching Queer Eye now, I can't stand to watch the results though I keep switching back hoping for some blue states. Come on blue states! If it could just be close, just be close so my country doesn't look like such a jack ass." [Diet Chick]

Interesting phenomenon. We have Diet Chick concerned about how we look back to the rest of the world, and Lioness concerned that we Americans are not aware of the world-wide consequences of our election. Do I see a trend? Moving on...
"Not [blogging] today. Not for awhile. I'm so very disappointed in our country. The fact that more than half of Americans think that this administration should be INVITED back for another four years. Please, take more of my civil liberties, make more war, fuck my economy and use your stature as a podium for the religious right. Fucking Gay Republicans." [Drama Queen Mother]

This brightened my day like a blown kiss from a supermodel! This gal ranks at the tops in say-what-you-feel honesty. And I like the capitalization on the last line.

Right now my blogger dream lunch would be with Drama Queen Mother, Deborah the Outtabodymommy, DietChick, and Ann Althouse at a streetside cafe.

I can dream, can't I?

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Moral Issues and Exit Polls

Did it strike anyone else as odd that after exit polls were wildly incorrect in predicting a Kerry win, the same exit polls were used to "determine" that people voted for Bush because of moral issues?

Superstar blogger Ann Althouse has this take:
"Now, pundits are purporting to describe the state of mind of millions of human beings, and they've swooped down on religion, specifically fundamentalist Christian religion, and even more specifically, antipathy toward gay people. This explanation seems to be appealing to those who are disappointed that Kerry lost because it is a way of saying: there's nothing wrong with us, we lost because you are bad people. Folded into that idea is an assumption that antipathy toward gay people is an outrage, but antipathy toward fundamentalist Christians is completely acceptable."

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Bush-hating, Act II

Blogger Lioness has weighed in on the presidential election:

"Four more years. Four more long, scary, potentially devastating years. HAVE YOU BEEN COMATOSE? Bloody hell. DUMB as hell."

You gotta hand it to this gal, she has probably neatly summed up the feelings of a huge portion Europe and the west-friendly world. Her entry brought a smile to my face (as it usually does), but people with this view need to keep in mind that we were not picking between W and, say, Teddy Roosevelt. We had to pick between two less-that-great options. I'm not sure why people think Kerry would have been better for our friends on the other side of the pond.

And on the world court of opinion, let's give Dubya a fair shake: he responded to 9/11 swiftly, and the terrorists have not been able to stike America ever since (so far, at least).

So here's an open invitation to the Bush-whackers out there: Why do you hate the President? Drop me a note and I'll post the best reasons.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

My Vote Has Been Cast

Today I voted for George W. Bush. This may not come as a surprise to those who are reading this blog, but probably would to those who know me personally and have heard me voice my strong feelings about the environment, civil rights, health care, and populist issues.

But it came down to this: John Kerry had some roadblocks to getting my vote, and he did not address them. These roadblocks are the reason that I, like so many in this critical election-deciding swing state, voted for Bush.

#1. In 1971, John Kerry said on national TV that he committed war crimes.

Q: "Do you consider that you (John Kerry) personally as a Naval officer committed atrocities in Vietnam or crimes punishable by law in this country?"

A: "There are all kinds of atrocities, and I would have to say that, yes, yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers have committed in that I took part in shootings in free fire zones. I conducted harassment and interdiction fire. I used 50 calibre machine guns, which we were granted and ordered to use, which were our only weapon against people. I took part in search and destroy missions, in the burning of villages. All of this is contrary to the laws of warfare, all of this is contrary to the Geneva Conventions..." [John Kerry, Meet The Press, April 18 1971] Read the full statement here.

Perhaps these are the words of an angry veteran, perhaps they were words indended to change the politics of the war. Personally, I do not judge Senator Kerry for this actions and I thank him for his service to our country. But what are we to do with this? How can one serve as a U. S. President after openly admitting to war crimes? I needed an answer from Senator Kerry, and I did not get it.

#2 Abortion. I am not a religious nut and I deplore clinic bombings, but to win my vote I need a simple answer: how is a fetus not a human? It can't be some other animal, and it isn't just extra tissue in the mother's body. If it is not human, what is it? With a simple answer to that question, I can side with the Democrats on this one, but so far the room has gone quiet.

#3 Specifics. You say that Bush has done the economy wrong, the war wrong, and everything else wrong. But what exactly will Senator Kerry do to correct these problems during his term? We never heard specifics, when specifics would have been so easy.

An so, I voted Bush today. I did vote for many fine Democrats in other elections, and I hope everyone gets their voice heard today. May the best man win.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Election Eve Notes from a Swing State

I spent this election evening at a popular rock music venue in this critical swing-state city. There were three popular post-punk band on the docket, and clearly most of the 20-year-old crowd was there to see the national headline act. The first surprise was that at 30-something I wasn't the oldest person there, although I was in the minority in that my shirt was not skin-tight and I wasn't showing butt crack above my trousers.

(On a related note, who convinced the teenage girls of America that lowrider pants that expose a chubby belly and hip rolls is a good look?)

But the bigger surprise came during the intermission between bands. The sold-out crowd of 2,000 or so started holding up four fingers and shouting "Four more years! Four more years!" Was I hearing this right? A group of sweaty college girls and guys in a mosh pit was pumped to vote for Bush?

After all of the analysis of this critical swing state, has the media missed something? Most of the comments I overheard from guys with tattoed arms and 28 body piercing was something like "Kerry's a doink." Could Kerry's failure to connect with the people be this strong?

I'm starting to think that voter turnout will be huge tomorrow in this state. I will let you know which way I vote and why.